Accomplishments and Trials in Life

This past week was quite busy. Of course, I had the USPA 2017 Utah State Powerlifting Championship meet on Saturday. It was a ton of fun and I pushed myself to get a couple new personal records. (You can read about that and see videos here) I have also been putting some final touches on The Eye of Tanglewood Forest, and commissioning art for the World of Terramyr Wikia page as well as overseeing artwork for a couple new books coming out later on this year.

And... I got some test results back that diagnosed one of my sons with autism.

We tried to get my son tested before, back when we first relocated to the United States after resigning from the U.S. Department of State. At the time, the therapist was sure our son didn't have autism, but rather some anxiety and sensory issues. However, after working with anxiety and sensory overload issues for some time, we had him tested again, a bit more thoroughly and with a different doctor. This time the tests showed that he did, in fact, have autism. He is high-functioning, and therefore is able to do a lot of things that many people with autism can't, but that only makes it slightly less scary for me if I am honest.

The upside is there are a lot of resources in our area that can help. Support groups, autism units in schools, and even a full out school for kids with any kind of autism spectrum disorder. But, even with all of that, and the mountain of information the doctors and therapists gave us, I still am not too proud to admit that I spent a decent amount of time crying for my kid.

As a parent, you want to give your kids the best in life. I'm not talking about the latest iPhone, or the trendiest clothes, but about the best quality of life. It has been hard to see him struggle with simple conversations. It's been nearly impossible to explain why he behaves the way he does, or gets literally lost in his own imagination. On the one hand, it's almost nice to be able to name the cause of these and other issues, but frankly I had hoped they were all phases brought on by anxiety, as the first doctor had thought. It's easier now to explain to his primary teachers or school teachers what's going on, but now there are other questions that I can't see the answers to yet. There are fears and doubts that creep in at such times, nagging in the back of my mind and suggesting that perhaps this condition might restrict my son from enjoying the best life has to give. A successful marriage and family of his own. The pursuit of higher education and a career he is both passionate about and talented in. Basic interactions with others as an adult. Unlike my fantasy novels, I don't know how this story will develop, and I can't produce a magical device to save him from this trial.

I got the news last week, but it still makes me tear up a bit if I let myself dwell on the "bad" possibilities.

Of course, I also have a lot of hope as well. My son is unique. He is smart. He is caring. So, instead of shaping my idea of what the best life is, I get to reassess as time goes along and let him show me what the best life for him is. Aside from the fact that he is high functioning, he has a lot going for him. I have faith that as my wife and I do our best, things will work out the way they are supposed to. There is a scripture verse in the new testament (Philippians 4:13) that states "I can do all things through Christ which strengtheneth me." I know that I have seen that principle at work in my life. I suppose now I will learn anew what it means as I watch my son grow and develop.

I can't say now what lessons and blessings in life will come from this added trial, but I can say that each of my kids have already taught me so much. Ironic, I suppose, that they should teach me so much when I am the parent, but it's true.

Through them I have learned to be more kind, more patient, humble (especially when my 4th grader understands math that I still don't), and a host of other things. When my boys come into my gym, or watch me at a powerlifting meet, I try harder because I know they think the world of me and depend on me. I suspect I will learn much more from my son with autism. That is, after all, what life is about isn't it-- learning and developing into our best selves. That's why families are so important, especially in a world as chaotic as ours is.

If you have read this far... well, then "good on ya," as a dear friend of mine would say. This likely isn't the kind of post you expect from me, but writing is my outlet, and so this was the best way I knew how to express what I was feeling.

I'm still a bit apprehensive about what the future will ultimately bring for my son, I suppose I always will be, as any parent is concerned for the welfare of their children. I guess what I am getting at, is that we all have trials. Some are less expected than others. Some are more serious than others. Still, kind of like putting extra weight on a bar at the gym, if we meet these trials and put forth our best efforts, relying upon our God to give us the extra bit of encouragement and strength that we need, we'll come out all the stronger for it.

Thanks for taking the time to read this post.